what’s this thing I'm creating?

I rewatched this video for hours last night, contemplating one question: what is this thing I’m creating? No matter what I do, I can’t seem to get it to do what I want it to. It dawns on me that this thing has a life of its own. I’m great at building frameworks and I see elements of me trying to build frameworks around this thing, which would be a disservice. I think the answer is to build a framework around this thing so that it can reveal itself to me, instead of me trying to exert my will on making it something else because that hasn’t worked thus far.